Fish in a Haystack

Recruitment is one of the most challenging aspects of being a sorority girl. It pushes me to be competitive when trying to get the girls I hope to call my sisters. This week has been very hard… maybe it’s starting back to school, maybe it’s recruitment, maybe it’s because of family circumstances, or maybe it’s because I am just not fully trusting the Lord.

It amazes me how the Lord meets me exactly where I need him. The other day I had a lot of envy in my heart, a lot of discontentment. Sometimes, I feel out of place, like I just don’t belong where I am. Like a fish in a haystack. It seems like the grass would be greener on the other side with the other fish, right? Wrong (or at least that is what God said.) He brought me to this verse, “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house, your neighbor’s wife, or his manservant, or his maidservant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s” –Exodus 20:17. Okay, touché, God… touché. Why am I discontent where obviously the Lord has put me? Why do I desire the easy route? Probably human nature…But, honestly, I am ashamed that I think my plans are better suited for me.

Soooo, tonight was a God-send. After a somewhat disappointing night, the Lord orchestrated this awesome talk with my little. Surprisingly, we have a lot of the same emotions towards a lot of the issues that have been surfacing within our sisterhood. It was encouraging to hear that there were others that were concerned with our girls. When I got back to my room I read these verses. Romans 8:28, “And we know that all things work together for the good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Romans 9:20-21, “But who are you, a mere man, to criticize and contradict and answer back to God? Will what is formed say to him that formed it, why have you made me thus? Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out the same mass (lump) one vessel for beauty and distinction and honorable use, and another for menial or ignoble and dishonorable use?” How nervy am I to question my creator about the plan He has for me? He has the right to use me however He sees fit: I gave him that permission when I gave him my heart. And I say with my mouth, “have all of me, use all of me,” yet my actions and heart contradict this. A lot of light was shed on my heart and how much more love I can and need to show to others, especially my family and sorority sisters. They are in my life for a reason, and I am called to be salt to them, to be a healing source because I have the ultimate healer dwelling in my heart, empowering me.

After the heart to heart with Jess, I felt so refreshed. After my heart-to-heart with God, I feel remarkable! Praise Him for being my salt, my comforter, and my potter!

Tick Tock God the Rock

If God has ever been relentless, it has been today. He has made a sport of throwing encouragement at me all day. Right when I need him the most, there He is. But the beauty is that He was with me all along. Yesterday was a weird day. I reached this point of distraction, where my eyes were everywhere but on the hope provided by my Savior. I believed the lies that Satan fed me: instead of saying no to the fruit that the serpent told me to eat, I ate it. Suddenly, abiding in the Lord was not the best option; I bought into the idea that waiting for the Lord and his timing was too hard. In this culture of having everything right now, I found restlessness & anxiety encompassing me. Like Peter, I took my eyes off Jesus and gazed into the storm that surrounded me. Why? Why is my tendency to be so discontent with where the Lord has me? I don't know, but I hate it.

After heartbreak, my heart has been battling healing. Instead of dipping into the living water that Christ gives freely, I often try to mend my heart with other things. Subconscious or not, this is not what the Lord intends for me. Whether I am on a mountain top or in a valley, my focus should solely be the Lord. There is often a discrepancy between what promises I preach to myself and what promises I let perpetually penetrate my heart. The true test of faith is allowing God’s goodness to conquer my heart, not just linger in my mind. I mean, certainly, God has beautiful plans. Certainly, God can heal. Certainly, God desires to be my rock. Certainly, God values me. Certainly, God pursues me. Certainly, God loves me ceaselessly. Why would I trust anything other than that?

God has caressed my soul today. Waking up, he said this is the day that I have made—rejoice! My Joyce Meyer devotion—in Joel 3—this morning was all about smiling, all about letting the Lord be MY gladness today (how appropriate). Later, as Español filled the air in Spanish class, I opened my planner only to find a note card with the beautiful Psalm 45:2, “You are the prettiest of them all! Gracious words stream from your lips. God himself has blessed me FOREVER.” Um, yes please to this distraction from class. How fantastic is God to have someone sneak this in my planning for this day, when I thirsted for Him the most! Then, He provided the most perfect impromptu lunch buddy for me today. This girl had prayed that the Lord would provide her with a lunch date today. Well, God orchestrated this lunch fo sho! Struggles, praises, and amazements filled our conversations. This girl is a Godly stud, and she brought so much encouragement to the table. “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing” -1 Thessalonians 5:11. It was a fantastic lunch, and I am so thankful for her friendship in my life. God knew that we needed to see each other today, so He made it happen. After moseying my way back to the casa, I pulled out my Beth Moore 90 Days with Jesus study. Day 6: Perfect Timing. Oh snap, was conversation of God’s flawless timing what just saturated my lunch with Taylor? Yes, it was. A coincidence? I think not. It pulled from Galatians 4:3-7. “when the time had fully come, God sent…” obviously, God is the one making the move. He’s the one that is acting. Oh yeah, and on his watch. It doesn’t say, “and when the time had come…” Mary sent or Rachel decided. God sent. God is the mover and shaker of the Bible. God has a plan, and He’s sticking to it. And it’s according to His timing.

Basically, God has made known his goodness to me all day. Hiking through my emotions and my pitiful distrust in Him, He reached out to me. He gave me a lifeline. He held a neon sign that said, “I love you.” He said that his timing is perfect. He said to trust in Him, to wait on Him. And apparently, waiting on the Lord doesn’t mean being stagnant, it means pushing forward in whatever circumstances while faithfully knowing God is by my side.

Thank you Lord for this encouragement today. You know my needs, and you provide. You abundantly provide.

“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall” –Psalm 55:22.

Kari Jobe: You Are For Me

Holy

"At the stars in the night, I wonder
At Your lightning in the sky, I shudder
Your glory is a blanket that covers
Every living thing
I’m in awe at the majesty of who You are
Your love is a seal burnt inside my heart
All of the day I want to be where You are
Holy Father

And it feels like there’s not enough praise inside of me
With all these words, all my heart can sing is holy
You are holy

Jesus Christ
You bled Your love, laid down Yourself
And gave me life
In naked shame You hung and You were lifted high
Here I lay in awe and wonder
I am afraid
For no one’s ever sacrificed and loved me this way

So on my face I fall under Your heavy grace
Here I lay in awe and wonder
And I wonder

I’m in awe at the majesty of who You are
Your love is a seal burnt inside my heart
All of the day I want to be where You are
Holy Father

And it feels like there’s not enough praise inside of me
With all these words, all my heart can sing is holy
You are holy "

God keeps proving to me his love, every single day. When I feel absolutely pitiful, he draws me closer. "No one's ever sacrificed and loved me this way." All I can do in these moments is say that He is Holy! He desires me and all His people... no mess is too big for our God. "Jesus Christ, You bled Your love, laid down Yourself, And gave me life, In naked shame You hung and You were lifted high." He payed the price for me, for us. All he wants is for us to "fall under Your heavy grace, Here I lay in awe and wonder, And I wonder." Thank you Lord for constantly reminding me of the sacrifice you paid for my sins and for the world's sins. "All my heart can sing is holy, you are holy!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05pQGehb2H4

Cultivation

As a hart longs for flowing streams, so longs my soul for thee – Psalm 42:1

Wow!!! This is the kind desire that the Lord has for His people. He wants them and hungers for them. He loves them enough to move mountains in their lives daily.

Recently in my life, the Lord has really been working with me about owning my emotions. Since high school, my motto has been, “Be joyful always”- 1 Thessalonians 5:16. With that I feel like I trapped myself into feeling a responsibility to bring joy to others all the time, which meant (to me) that when I was upset to just slap on a happy face and not address my feelings. Lately, I have realized that the emotions that I have are godly—jealousy, anger, happiness—whatever it is, I was created in His image (Genesis 1:27) and the feelings are natural. Here’s the catch: I must, must, must give those emotions to the Lord. With those feelings in His hands, He will refine me, mold me, and use me (Jeremiah 18:6). Also, the joy referred to in this verse isn’t a fleeing thing; this joy—true joy— only comes from the Lord. Joy doesn’t mean that I won’t experience heartache, it means that with that heartache I still have my ultimate satisfaction in Him, the peace to carry on, and the freedom to enjoy life with His spirit dwelling within me.

In addition, He loves me enough to want to have an active role in my life by giving me the desires of my heart( Psalm 37:4-5) and fulfilling His plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11). It continues to amaze me that He loves me, not because I am valuable, but because He is gracious. And He is never lukewarm about loving me; He is passionately pursuing me daily…beckoning me and encouraging me to choose Him. I love that He loves me when I am a mess. He has designed me to be a woman, full of emotions, however He wants to be the Lord of my emotions just like all the other facets of my life. When I surrender my feelings, desires, and emotions to Him, He always cultivates them into something of grandeur and beauty.

God is soooo good! Praise Him!

Definitions:

Hart: male deer

Fleeing: to run away from

Refine: to bring to a fine or a pure state; free from impurities

Satisfaction: a) the fulfillment or gratification of a desire, a need, or an appetite b) the pleasure or contentment that is derived from such gratification

Cultivates: to promote or improve the growth of by labor and attention

Grandeur: magnificence; splendor